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Last month, news broke that the producers behind The Three Stooges porn parody were being sued for copyright infringement despite clearly stating in the title, “Not The Three Stooges XXX”. We’re surprised this sort of legal trouble doesn’t happen every month considering how many creative liberties adult film studios take using trademarked materials. Where does one draw the line?
Cast: Diamond Foxxx, Raylene, Jewels Jade, Julia Ann, Rachel Love, Puma Swede with Johnny Castle, Rocco Reed, James Deen, Levi Cash
Release Date: June 7th, 2010
Synopsis: ‘Your favorite TV grannies Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, and Sophia become super slutty MILFs. When Dorothy’s lesbian friend, Jean, comes for a visit, she reveals she’s in love with Rose. So, the girls try to show Jean that a studly man almost half their ages can fill a void that another woman just can’t reach. Thank them for being such whores!’
Our Thoughts: We know Blanche was a hussy and the other ‘girls’ outside of Dorothy were a little frisky, but it’s still something we’d like to leave at the fully clothed cute joke stage. There’s an audience for just about everything and if you’ve got a thing for sexy seniors than this is for you, but we feel like the restaurant patron from this Robot Chicken sketch. At least, until we’ve gone completely off the desensitization deep end.
Cast: Jack Lawrence, Dale DaBone, Anthony Rosano, Eric Masterson, Tasha Reign
Release Date: July 11th, 2011
Synopsis: ‘Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 news team have lost their jobs and moved from ‘Whale’s Vagina’ to Los Angeles. They join forces with the ever-popular Veronica Corningstone and her all-female news team to get back on the air.’
Our Thoughts: The summer 2004 release continues to be one of the most quoted movies of all-time, but if there’s one thing pornos can’t do, it’s comedy. Sure, we can all appreciate some of the clever titles, the play on words, the double entendres, but unless Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are writing the script for this, it will only serve to spoil your super duper neato, gang memories. We hear ya, porn’s cheesy and so was ‘Anchorman’, so it seems like a match made in San Diego, but we prefer Ron’s boner to be an optical illusion caused by pleats.
Cast: Alanah Rae, Asphyxia Nior, Britney Amber, Brooklyn Lee, Liv Aguilera, McKenzie Lee, Tracey Sweet
Release Date: October 25, 2011
Synopsis: ‘Mixing sports and hot slutty female sports reporters getting nailed by “gifted” athletes is about as good as it gets.’
Our Thoughts: No arguments here. Perfectly rational. Unlike ‘Anchorman’, we’ve all had those debates about which one of the female reporters are the easiest and whether or not they hook up with the athletes they interview. Remember when Erin Andrews’ peephole video leaked online in July 2009. The internet almost broke from men trying to watch it. Since then we’ve heard some sordid stories from behind-the-scenes at the sports entertainment behemoth and we’re hoping it’ll get the big screen adaptation it deserves. In the meantime, maybe they’d take a cue or two from this gem.
Cast: Darryl Hanah , Loni Evans , Nicole Aniston , Randy Moore , Sea J. Raw
Release Date: June 14th, 2011
Synopsis: ‘Breaking News! The news room goes wild! You’ve never seen a hotter, sexier news broadcast than this! Who says conservatives don’t get down and dirty?’
Our Thoughts: This Ain’t ESPN for politicos (even though this came first, pun intended). Of course, there are many more publicized sex scandals coming out of politics than sports broadcasting and FOX News is the perfect target since it’s positioned itself as the most conservative net on the boob tube AND the channel with the hottest female talent. We’re sure a couple talking heads over there have this on Blu-ray. We even think they might put some of these ‘stars’ to shame.
Cast: Diamond Foxx, Dayna Vendetta, Mary Carey, Codi Carmichael, Breanne Benson, Nicki Hunter, and Britney Amber
Release Date: March 2nd, 2011
Synopsis: ‘I’ll take big horny slags for $500! This busty blond likes to get this done to her. What is a ********? Correct! The latest parody to test your knowledge of balls, babes, and slurpy ********!’
Our Thoughts: Even we have to blush after that description. Who knew porn could be so educational? We quietly, half-heartedly applaud the studio taking a risk on such a reach, but we feel it falls under the “Golden Girls” umbrella – who’s clicking their buzzer to see Trebek get down with a daily double stuffing?
Cast: Dyanna Lauren, India Summer, Julia Ann, Mellanie Monroe, Raylene
Release Date: March 9, 2010
Synopsis: ‘In this XXX spin on the popular TV show, horny housewives scour the internet for younger “barely legal” playthings.’
Our Thoughts: This is just flat out creepy. At least with the ‘Golden Girls’, there’s no borderline pedophilia. Who’s watching TCAP and saying to themselves, this needs to be a porno. You’d think those two entities should be as far away from each other as possible. We feel dirty just writing about it.
Cast: Misty Stone, Jasmine Ryder, Courtney Cummz, Brittany Blaze, Savannah Heat, Sarah Sloane, Natasha Dulce, Jada Fire, Melody Nakai, Taylor Starr, Melrose Foxxx, Janae Foxx
Release Date: November 9th, 2010
Synopsis: Time to grow up, get it together, and pay up! Check out TV’s favorite legal mind as he pounds his gavel with the sexiest plaintiffs and defendants ever to take the stand. These small-time squabblers are mixed up in some seriously dirty affairs and they’re ready to prove their innocence by any means necessary!
Our Thoughts: If only the real court systems worked this way. Still kind of interested to know why they didn’t go with ‘Judge Judy’, but we guess she doesn’t quite bring the thunder during reverse cowgirl side bars.
Cast: Carolyn Reese, Emma Heart, Melanie Rios, Tweety Valentine
Release Date: December 4th, 2010
Synopsis: ‘This year the Grizwalds are gonna celebrate Christmas like never before. With more presents, more lights and more sex than ever. Crazy cousin Eddy parks his bedroom on wheels in the front of the house and proceeds to have sex for all the neighbors to see. Rusty quickly learns where to stick his yule log. Audrey spreads some cheer for the boy down the street. And when Elen gets caught with her new purple vibrator, Clark shows her a toy of his own. ‘Tis the season to be Horny!!’
Our Thoughts: We know we said porns can’t do comedies justice, but there’s something about holiday cheer and humping that goes hand-in-hand. We know Clark was a man full of fantasies and an overactive imagination, and crazy Eddy’s down for whatever, but for some reason we can’t shake the images of Rusty and Audrey as kids and not as the adults they so badly wanted to be.
Cast: Imani Rose, Stacy Adams, Cassidy Clay, Melody Nakai, Simone Taylor
Release Date: July 15th, 2010
Synopsis: We can’t find a description anywhere, but you get the point.
Our Thoughts: This could be the funniest of the bunch.
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